We Could Be
by Mandolina Lightrobber
Summary: What we are right now sets a path for what we could be. Sometimes, these directions are interchangeable. Slash. /Subaru x Kamui/


**A/N:** Written for LiveJournal writing community _10 whores_ challenge, prompt number 9 – _without a name_.

**Warnings:** slash. Definitely not worksafe.

**Disclaimer:** X/1999 is the intellectual property of CLAMP and all associated companies. No copyright infringement was intended with this and no money is being made from this.

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**We Could Be**

He had lost himself for one terrible moment. No longer knowing who he was and why he was until Subaru found him, broke through to him, brought him back to who he was. To who he was supposed to be: Kamui.

Kamui had hurt him. Not wanting to go back, to face himself, afraid of what he would see or do, he had lashed out at Subaru. Subaru should have let go then, Kamui thought, but he hadn't. He had held on, withstanding everything, breaking through all barriers Kamui had built around himself, and he had pulled him out.

He should have let go, Kamui is thinking this even as his hands lightly slide up Subaru's back, feeling the smoothness of his black shirt, then down again and he sighs. Subaru's hands are under Kamui's shirt, lightly tracing patterns on his chest and along his sides, anything but intrusive and something he wished to keep forever. He let Subaru take the lead, dictate the pace and guide him through this, relieved that finally something was out of his control; that finally he didn't need to make decisions and be the leader.

Subaru lightly pressed his lips to the side of Kamui's neck, then moved down a little and Kamui tilted his head, quietly whispering for more. And Subaru followed through with it, down to the hollow of his neck before moving back up. He pushed up Kamui's shirt and gently ran his fingers over the exposed bandages, careful to keep his touch light – there was no need to increase the pain of those injuries.

"It doesn't hurt anymore," Kamui whispered, pulling Subaru closer. "Don't be so over-careful with me."

Subaru smiled, but didn't change the pressure of his touch all that much. He shifted his position slightly and moved lower. He found Kamui's nipple under the bandages and rubbed it lightly, feeling the boy's heartbeat steady against his palm. Kamui's hands found the hem of his shirt and slid under it, cold fingers and cotton bandages, and he let his hands roam over Subaru's back. It anchored him here, in this room, with this young man, with this reality, and he sighed. Tomorrow could never come; it would be nice that way.

"I want you," Kamui said out loud without meaning to, but did not regret these words. They were true. They were his choice, undetermined by destiny.

Subaru laughed. It wasn't an audible laugh even; just the way his body trembled lightly, barely noticeably, and his breath flickered, and had Kamui not been so close to him, he would have surely missed it.

"You're still recovering."

While this was true, Kamui was just about fed up with being treated with such care (not that it wasn't nice, but there were certainly limits to everything, and this was his). His hands moved down Subaru's back, scratching in retaliation, and to his chest, found his nipples and twisted them with vengeance, drawing a little gasp from his partner.

"And I'm telling you I'm fine."

Subaru didn't move for a while, patiently enduring Kamui's abuse, until he had had enough. He reached under his shirt, caught one of Kamui's wrists, pulled it away and pinned it to the mattress, ignoring the stifled yelp of pain from the boy. He moved his leg, pushing Kamui's thighs apart and pressed his knee up against him before regarding the boy. Kamui, though taken aback by the sudden change, was far from objecting. He moved his own leg between Subaru's to mirror his last action.

"I want you," he repeated and the glint in Subaru's eyes when he heard this sent a shiver down his spine. His body reacted to it quite instinctively.

Subaru smiled – a tiny wisp of amusement that barely anyone saw these days. He let go of Kamui's wrist and ghosted his fingertips over the boy's cheek.

"Agreed."

In the next moment Subaru had moved away. He sat back on his knees and pulled off his shirt, tossing it to the side. He kept his gaze on Kamui as he slowly ran a hand down his chest, thumb brushing his nipple demonstratively. Kamui's eyes were practically glued to that hand and its movement, taking in every smallest detail of what Subaru did to himself. The boy shifted slightly, pushing the covers out of the way and tried to sit up, but he moved too fast and his head got dizzy, forcing him to fall back against the pillows. Subaru leaned over him, hands coming to rest on both sides of his head.

"Let me help you with that."

Kamui merely nodded, entranced by that low, husky sound. He moved up a little and Subaru helped him pull his shirt off, his hand warm and strong as it covered Kamui's and guided it up, revealing his chest, which was still partially covered in bandages, though they were meant more for support than to cover actual scars. As Kamui leaned back against his pillows, Subaru twisted his shirt, effectively trapping his arms within the cloth and pinning them above the boy's head.

"_Su-Subaru_!" Kamui tried to protest, but the young man held him fast.

"You're still recovering, Kamui. There's no need to hurt yourself."

Kamui found the amusement in Subaru's voice insulting and tried to kick him. To no avail though, as the other had the upper hand at the moment and could easily restrain him. Not to mention the direction his hand had strayed in. Kamui let out a shuddering sigh and pushed his hips up, grinding against Subaru's hand. He strained, squirming under him, wanting more, wanting to be let free.

"Take it off," he breathed, referring to the shirt that kept his hands trapped. "I want to touch you."

Subaru regarded him with yet another one of his barely noticeable smiles. His hand moved to the waistband of Kamui's pants, slipping inside.

"In a moment."

Kamui's entire body jerked from the touch; something he had wanted, anticipated, yet hadn't expected to be so... intensely intimate. Subaru's strokes were light, but firm; meant to tease more than provide relief, but Kamui couldn't distinguish that at the moment. His only thought was that he wanted more. And he wanted to touch Subaru the same way, feel his body react to his touch the same way, and to see that face change expression to something not so stone-solid. He strained against Subaru's hands and found that his makeshift binding had become looser. It was a bit of a struggle to free his hands from the shirt, but finally he could push the offending clothing away. Impatient, he traced his hands along Subaru's chest the same way Subaru had touched himself, rubbing his nipples, then suddenly skipping to the front of his jeans and undoing them. Subaru lowered himself a little, one hand still resting against the pillow behind Kamui's head. He pressed his mouth against the boy's neck, feeling the pulse beating under his lips rapidly. He pressed a lazy kiss to that spot and moved away, closer to his ear, until he could whisper in it.

Kamui shuddered at his words and his hips jerked up, into Subaru's hand. His own hands lost the pace they had set before and Subaru sighed.

"Ignore me for the moment," he advised and changed his pace.

Kamui moaned, turning his head to the side. He took Subaru's advice and withdrew his hands, letting them fall to his sides. His fingers slid over the sheets, looking for purchase, trying to grip it, but the sheet was pulled tight over the mattress and he couldn't take a hold of it. His left hand found the edge of the blanket and gripped it tightly, and his right hand strayed up to the corner of the pillow, but Subaru's arm was in the way and he couldn't quite reach. So he let his fingers dig into Subaru's upper arm instead; not that the young man minded.

His eyes were on Kamui's face, watching intently the shifts in his expression: the way his eyes slipped shut, the way his lips parted in small pants, the way his brow furrowed, and the way his nostrils flared whenever he tried to hold in a moan. Subaru worked him relentlessly, intent on giving the boy everything he was willing to take. And with a straining of his shoulders, a change in his face, the boy came, though he kept moving against Subaru's hand, still very much trapped in the inertia the two of them had created.

As soon as Kamui settled, Subaru manoeuvred his hand out of the boy's pants and wiped it in the covers of the bed. But when he tried to get up from the bed to fetch something to clean Kamui with, the boy grabbed his hand and pulled him back.

"Stay."

When Subaru quirked his eyebrows at him, Kamui smirked, eyes glinting.

"I'm not done with you yet."

And Subaru laughed at this, leaning back against the bed as Kamui crawled on top of him. The boy was full of intent and he didn't hesitate to pick up from where he'd left off, his hands pulling at Subaru's jeans, until the young man helped him push them down to his knees.

"That's enough," Kamui whispered, taking a hold of Subaru's wrists and pressing them down to the mattress. "That's where they stay." He smirked to himself, eyes obscured by his bangs a little and he shifted his weight. "Don't move."

Subaru raised his eyebrows once again, trying to guess just what exactly the boy had in mind. Was he really…

"If you can," Kamui finished, sounding only a little bit exhilarated and gleeful. He leaned down and took Subaru in his mouth, taking him in as deep as he could manage (which wasn't all that much, to be fair).

Subaru groaned and leaned his head back for a moment, eyes closed and lips parted.

"Kamui…"

The boy continued to move up and down his length, experimenting with his tongue, and at one point lightly dragging his teeth along the sensitive skin. It took all of Subaru's self-control to not writhe under him from the sensations. After the first surge, he looked at Kamui again, watching as his head moved, and a he bit back a moan. The grip on his wrists tightened, as if Kamui feared that he would try to break free. Which, at the moment, was the last thought on Subaru's mind: he was more concerned with Kamui not stopping this anytime soon. The boy's teeth grazed his skin again, his tongue swirled around his tip and Subaru hissed, his body convulsing with the wave of pleasure that hit him. It couldn't go on like this for long, he decided and, as much as he regretted doing this, wrestled his arms free from the boy's hold, and flipped their positions.

Kamui frowned, gazing up at him through his bangs. He hadn't seen _that_ look on Subaru's face before. He looked thoroughly shaken and dishevelled.

"_Kamui_."

That one word, the very sound of it – so low, rolling, and filled with such thrilling and dangerous intent – was the only prelude for what happened next. With the utmost impatience Subaru kicked off his jeans while Kamui hurried to remove his pants. After that there was only the flurry of motion, the need to hold on to something, anything, and the overwhelming need to be close, closer still. The sheets tangled around them, the pillows ended up on the floor, some of Kamui's bandages came loose, revealing the still-bruised, albeit rapidly healing skin underneath. In the midst of it all, their lips meshed together, their hands found one another and their fingers intertwined so tightly that it felt as though they would break. After that, there was only heat, pain, strained motion, gasping breaths, and finally – release that erased the world from existence. Or maybe – and this was just as possible – erased both of their existences from this world.


End file.
